Can’t matter no more. No one seems to care much does they? Not him, not her, not you, not them…

Perhaps not even me.

It’s again been awhile and I have no excuses beyond the usual. And they wear thinner right before dinner. Ever so, old chum, ever so.

“Went to school, I was very nervous; no one knew me, no one knew me. Hello teacher, tell me what’s my lesson? Look right through me, look right through me…”

And sometimes I guess that’s just the way it goes. What seemed up is down; left shifts to right and passes front as it moves behind back; happy turns suddenly sad and even the sun don’t seem so warm or bright anymore. Sometimes it never even seems to come out at all.

Sometimes, I guess, that’s just the way it goes.

It will soon be Christmas and we will all be so happy again. How could we possibly not be? After all, it is the season.

Always liked Christmas but it’s hard to remember the last one that was memorable. It’s like that a lot I guess. Lotta things; lotsa times.

Time passes and places just seem to fade away or disappear altogether. That too is the way it goes.

There is a place we used to go when you both were young. A place of fun, filled with adventure and excitement; filled with happiness and youthful joy. A place removed, a place no more. Just an empty suite on a cold windy December morn. No more, very much less.

Where did it go? And where have you both gone? When did you grow up and grow away? You don’t seem to really need or even want us much anymore.

I never called my dad enough or wrote enough letters home to let him know how much he’d done for me. How in ways I would try to be like him while in others I would not. Assuredly not; and I think that he would agree actually. Do this, don’t do that…can’t you read the signs?

Thomas Wolfe wrote of her and she seemed to come back to life in full animation. Full-lived and of competent mind and body. And, if Wolfe had allowed, even of lasting spirit and unyielding soul. Only later, in death, did she seem to be fully alive and left, lastingly, on the remaining days of the world. A true gift to us all. Never dead, always dying.

Tuesday was her last day. That morning she passed. That evening we did as well. Into what and on to what we would discover but never truly know. To this very day I do not and, I’m just assuming, I doubt I ever will.

So take your tomorrow and do something fun. Plan your escape and don’t walk, run.

Time runs, we all know that. It runs and we never catch up. We are just left in the dust and dirt and never really know what hit us do we?

But I digress. My main goal has always been to be happy- make a good living, get married, have kids, have a nice house in a good neighborhood. Guess I got that far so all right then. But is it enough? Was it ever enough? What is enough?

No one can answer and that’s just the way it goes I guess.

Maybe in living we get to the answer. Maybe by dying we just wind up making it so.

It is such a very, very mad world.