Another early morning. A cup of coffee and the news. And, of course, the faithful old computer.

I ponder on so many things and I worry on many others. I wonder on what the big plan is and if there even is one.

I look outside this Fall morning and I see darkness and I hope and trust that before long day will bring the light. And along with the light will come new hope for me and my family.

Still, it is dark and I am tired.

My family seems to be mostly all that I have and that is really just fine with me but, still, I must be careful. Some time, not now long enough in the future and likely too soon upon us, our boys will be off and on their own. As it should be, as it has always been, I know. Normal and right but sad nonetheless. I think about all of the time that has passed and all of the things that I did not do with my boys when they were younger. Then I think that, still, we did a lot. I know I never actually did my best but I also know that there were many times that I tried.

I’m wondering how long I have left in this world but I really try not to think about it too often. What I truly think about is how I might still leave a mark upon this world. My own mark upon the world. In some small but significant way leave a trace that I was here. That seems simple and honest enough.

I think about my father and his legacy and realize it was just left, as it was, with his children. Beyond us it dies. I try to pass along what I can to my kids but since they never met him it is unlikely that they will carry much of what he ever was along with them into what they will themselves become. His memory fades with the passing of each person who knew him and that too is sad.

What can I do to leave something more than passing relationships and words to my children in this world?

Don’t get me wrong, my life and its efforts are very much focused upon my kids and I do all that I can to help them, to provide for them, to open up as many opportunities as possible for them to succeed in their own lives, today and tomorrow, but I have always wanted to do more. You know, personally.

Who can ever know or precisely define the rise and fall of a life? Who knows the point at which it tips from the former to the latter? Just how much time is left to me from this still-dark morn until the very moment of my own passing?

We have our problems and there are probably too many times that I may think that life kinda sucks but I can’t afford to be that way. I really can’t. Not for myself and not for my wife and boys. I still believe in how much life has to offer, especially for them.

And, hopefully, still, for me.