Yesterday was Friday the 13th. There is an idea that this is an unlucky day and yesterday did not disappoint. It was not only the worst day we’ve had since I made my resolve and maybe one of the worst ever.
I need not go into detail. It may just be that I am not a good parent and will not likely ever become one no matter what I try, no matter what my resolve may be. That is on me of course.
I suppose life is too often sad and that much may simply be inevitable. I’m not sure if life is filled with or determined by fate but I do know that it seems sometimes you just feel like you are fighting a losing battle against a fore drawn conclusion of our existence in life. That is sad.
I will likely never be the parent I want to be or even the one I should be but perhaps I can pick up all of these broken pieces and glue something back together that will be of some better value to my kids, my family. It has to be possible to at least improve, to get better in some small way. It does doesn’t it?
Maybe my resolve was too vague or too broad to be of much use on a daily basis. Maybe it should have been and should be more simple and straightforward. Maybe I was just too weak to make it so.
I seem to be too bitter these days and I don’t know why. It makes no sense. This bottled up anger and frustration is just a recipe for failure in all that I try and all that I do. I have to release it as quickly as possible and start a road to recovery. I really don’t try to be this way.
It must be simple and it must be quick.
Each morning I need to thank God for my existence and for all that I have and have had throughout my life. I need to thank God for the past day and ask for His help in the coming one. I need to relax and remember what is important and what is not and I need to improve in some small way each day. And once that tiny little improvement is realized then it needs to be kept for all time.
Build it up a little at a time and maybe I can make it all better somehow, on some coming day. It may not be exactly what I want it to be or what it even should be but at least it will be a darn sight better than today.
Given the way things have turned, that shouldn’t be all that hard to accomplish.
God please help me on all of this. God please help me this very day.