Sometimes even a solid resolve cannot fix things. Sometimes the world spins and you just have to hang on.

Not a great day, the dozenth.

My sons still struggle to get along, too often in my opinion, especially in sports. One is too sensitive at times and the other too often lashes out, including at himself. He is his own worst critic and is often too hard on himself. The situation is often far too negative.

I was like both of them in some ways but I learned how to deal with and improve things. I don’t recall when I finally got over the hump (assuming that I did) but I do remember that I did it mostly all by myself. That is why I left things alone last night. I did say how I no longer enjoy going to see their games though because, win or lose, there seems to always be an issue after the game that one has with the other or with himself. And it has gotten somewhat out of control.

It is sad but it is true- I do no longer really look forward to these games. That is for a number of reasons beyond what I am mentioning here and I could get over most of them if I could just see my kids having fun and getting along with one another. They could so much together and help each other in so many ways to get better at so many things- school, music, sports…life. So much, so much. But time is running.

This could all change I know. I did not get mad and I controlled myself but I decided to let them alone to work things out on their own, by themselves. I hope that they can and I hope I am doing the right thing.

So today I am sad but I will not abandon my resolve. I will make some adjustments and move on.

The foundation of so much I want to do is eroding though. I find myself too often feeling lost and rather alone. My wife is rightly focused on her own health issues and I am nothing but supportive but find there is little I can do but offer that somewhat helpless support. My kids need me I think but I struggle to find the right approach to offer them whatever I still have to give, to teach, to share.

Is this normal? Probably it is to a degree but I sometimes wonder if my age impacts my ability to exercise the needed patience and empathy.  Maybe I am just too damn old.

Maybe so. Maybe I am doomed to fail.

But I will not give up; I will not give in. I re-affirm my resolve to change, to do the right things, to have my heart and my head in the right place as often as possible, to support my family in all of the ways that I can and all of the ways that I should.

As the immortal Rocky once said (or maybe more than once given how many times he was pummeled):

“I’m still standin’here…”