Darkness persists this early, early morn.  It is black through my windows and somewhat gray in my heart, this morn, this early, early morn. 

This house is quiet for now and the Christmas tree unlit and in slumber.  The kids, the wife, the dogs- they all still slumber.  It is still and it is dark this early, early morn.

Sometimes it seems that not much you do turns out right, have you ever felt that way?  No matter how you spin it, turn it, approach it, prepare, wish, hope, or dream it just seems to not go the way that you had planned.  Do you know what I mean?

I suppose that I expect too much from people, especially my family.  I have accomplished some things in life but not anywhere near what I think I could have had I been directed or even pushed a bit more.  I don’t really blame anyone for that other than myself. 

I try to change, I try to get things done that I have never done but time and age seem set against me.  I am sometimes too set in my ways I fear and too weak to break out.  How many good years do I even have left?  Could be a few (or even less) or could be many more than a few. 

I am tired this dark and early morn.  I did not sleep well and I am tired but trying to write something here. 

It is Tuesday and Christmas is in just over a week.  When was the last time that I felt really in a good Christmas mood?  Sometimes I even feel like I somehow missed those early Christmastimes with my kids.  Maybe I was just too old or just too disconnected.

Even the birth of Jesus does not brighten my heart.

So many are no longer in our lives.  Not departed from this earth but departed nonetheless.  Where have you all gone?  What happened? 

There are so very few Christmas cards anymore and we had so many when I was young.  Hung them all around the trimwork at my grandmother’s house.  Maybe we re-used a few.  Maybe we did that.

Why does time run against us?  It just doesn’t stop.  Even now as I stare out into the darkness of this early morn, within the quiet of this slumbering house, I realize that the darkness will begin to fade with the flowing time of the morning. 

Darkness will not persist and the light will follow but it, too, will not last forever.

“You know the day destroys the night, night divides the day; try to run, try to hide, break on through to the other side, break on through to the other side…”

She was young once.  She was young and beautiful and likely loved and desired by one or even more.  And she was bright and beautiful and her face shone with brightness, inviting all to smile in return.  Life had come to her and blessed her in many ways that grew brighter with time.

But then time brought the darkness and life faded away until she was bright and beautiful no longer.  Just a memory.

And even that fades and sinks into time.